FroM tHe boTtOm oF mY ALWAYS BrokEn heARt

2006-03-17T05:33:00.000-08:00

dunnoe if i have committed

i feel afraid of losing u nw

wad if one dae u REALLY dont tok to me animore nw?

i dun want to rush things

for i fear it would be the end of everything

u know, getting abit of insecure feeling.

wad if u eventually had another guy?

it would be selfish fer me to hold onto u den,

becoz i noe i wld be a real bugger then.

partly, it is also that i am waiting for nothing, undeniably.

but i m prepared for it not to be true

it seems too much like a fairytale

and fairytale dun exists in reality

i am realli confused again

if pain is inevitable, please make it a short wan

2006-02-21T04:33:00.000-08:00

Traditional Gemini traits
Adaptable and versatileCommunicative and wittyIntellectual and eloquentYouthful and lively
Nervous and tenseSuperficial and inconsistentCunning and inquisitive

Gemini, the sign of the Twins, is dual-natured, elusive, complex and contradictory. On the one hand it produces the virtue of versatility, and on the other the vices of two-facedness and flightiness. The sign is linked with Mercury, the planet of childhood and youth, and its subjects tend to have the graces and faults of the young. When they are good, they are very attractive; when they are bad they are more the worse for being the charmers they are. Like children they are lively, and happy, if circumstances are right for them, or egocentric, imaginative and restless. They take up new activities enthusiastically but lack application, constantly needing new interests, flitting from project to project as apparently purposelessly as a butterfly dancing from flower to flower. To them life is a game which must always be full of fresh moves and continuous entertainment, free of labor and routine. Changing horses in the middle of the stream is another small quirk in the Gemini personality which makes decision making, and sticking to a decision, particularly hard for them.Since they lack the quality of conscientiousness, they are apt to fight a losing battle in any attempts they make to be moral (in the widest sense of the word). Their good qualities are attractive and come easily to them. They are affectionate, courteous, kind, generous, and thoughtful towards the poor and suffering - provided none of the activities resulting from expressing these traits interferes too greatly with their own lives and comforts. They quickly learn to use their outward attractiveness to gain their own ends, and when striving for these they will use any weapon in their armory - unscrupulous lying, and cunning evasiveness; escaping blame by contriving to put it on other people, wrapped up in all the charm they can turn on. In their better moments they may strive to be honest and straightforward, but self-interest is almost always the victor. If things go against them, they sulk like children. Also like children, they demand attention, admiration, and the spending on them of time, energy and money, throwing tantrums if they don't get what they want. They reflect every change in their surroundings, like chameleons, and can become pessimistic, sullen, peevish and materialistically self-centered if circumstances force them to struggle in any way. If the conditions of life become really adverse, their strength of will may desert them entirely. They can become uncertain of themselves, either withdrawn, or nervously excitable worriers, sullenly discontented, hard and irritable, with "Self" looming ever larger in their struggles. On the other hand their versatility can make them very adaptable, adjusting themselves to control the world around them by means of their inherent ingenuity and cleverness.Most Gemini have a keen, intuitive, sometimes brilliant intelligence and they love cerebral challenges. But their concentration, though intense for a while, does not last. Their mental agility and energy give them a voracious appetite for knowledge from youth onward, though they dislike the labor of learning. They easily grasp almost everything requiring intelligence and mental dexterity, and are often able to marry manual skills to their qualities of mind. Their intellect is strongly analytical and sometimes gives them so great an ability to see both sides of a question that they vacillate and find it hard to make decisions. But their intelligence may very well be used to control and unify the duality of their natures into a most efficient unit. If faced with difficulties, they have little determination to worry at a problem until they find a solution - they will pick the brains of others. In their intellectual pursuits, as in other departments of their lives, they risk becoming dilettantes, losing themselves in too many projects which they follow until they become difficult.In love they are fickle, not intentionally so but because of the basic inconsistency of their emotional nature, which has an amoral aspect to it. Their is a side to Geminians which can become deeply involved emotionally, and another, hostile to sentimentality, which stands back from a romantic situation, laughing at it and the protagonists in it, including themselves while analyzing it intellectually. Gemini subjects take nothing seriously. So, in love, in spite of their temporary depth of feeling, for the intensity of involvement lasts only while it is new, they are superficial, light-hearted, cool, flirtatious and unimaginative in the understanding of the pain they may give others. They like intrigue, the excitement of the chase, but once they have caught the prey, they lose interest and look around for the next creature to pursue. In less serious situations they make witty, entertaining companions, good acquaintances rather than friends. Even at their worst they are never dull - there is usually playfulness below the surface, and they can be brilliant conversationalists - but they can also be quarrelsome, prattlers, boasters, liars and cheats.Geminians can be successful in many walks of life though their general characteristics tend to make them unreliable. They are often skilled manipulators of language, in speech and writing, and may be: debaters, diplomats (though in politics they are more interested in theory than practice), orators, preachers (brilliant rather than profound), teachers, authors, poets, journalists, or lawyers. In business any work which combines quick-wittedness with a change of surroundings suits them; working as a traveling salesperson, brokerage work, or dealing with the public in any capacity is right up their alley. Because they are dispassionate, logical, rational and analytical they make good scientists, especially in the fields of medicine and astronomy. They can also make excellent members of the Armed Forces, for they take danger no more seriously than anything else and can earn themselves a reputation for devotion to duty and heroic acts. In the arts they may excel in music, painting and sculpture. They make good psychic researchers of a sceptical kind. Negatively they can degenerate into confidence tricksters, thieves and even adepts in the black arts.

Possible Health Concerns...Gemini rules the arms, shoulders, hands, lungs and nervous system and its subjects need to beware of diseases and accidents associated with the upper part of the body, as well as nervous and pulmonary disorders such as catarrh and bronchitis. Their mercurial nature may also affect a constitution which is not strong if it is put under strain.You are prone to taking unnecessary risks and wind up harming yourself or others in the process. Sometimes pursuing pleasure too vigorously could also qualify as risk taking.

LIKES
Talking
Novelty and the unusual
Variety in life
Multiple projects all going at once
Reading

DISLIKES
Feeling tied down
Learning, such as school
Being in a rut
Mental inaction
Being alone

PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS
As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Gemini you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.
PROBLEM: Being superficial could be a big problem for you in your overall relationships with others and also in getting ahead on many jobs where you must endeavor to dig deep and learn something thoroughly. This is the worst Gemini trait of all.
SOLUTION:To make a conscious effort to control this trait is the best approach to take to this problem. If you make a commitment to something or someone you should mentally force yourself to keep that commitment where possible. This will be hard but it can, and has been, accomplished by many under this sign.
PROBLEM: Not one who cares for peace and quiet, you create your own problems with loved ones by picking arguments or tale carrying from one to the other then stand back and enjoy the show.
SOLUTION: While this may relieve your boredom, it is something that you should not let happen as it could easily go out of control and cost you the love and companionship that you desire. When you feel like doing this it would be better to take a long walk and let the feelings pass.
PROBLEM: Boredom is one of your biggest problems and you could easily fall into mischief if you do not find ways to alleviate it.SOLUTION: You have a great many creative talents and if you put these to work for you in some sort of hobby or project you will find you do not have time to be bored, also, other physical activities should be considered: workouts at the gym, racketball, hiking, etc.
PROBLEM: You could have health problems brought on by overindulgence of food, drink, or the night life which only gets worse as you age.SOLUTION: Tame your urges and save the party times for weekends only and then try not to overdo it. By keeping everything down to a mild roar you may not have to fight off diseases such as obesity or cirrhosis of the liver.
PROBLEM: You may have the problem of not being able to keep a spouse or a lover due to your pursuit of the opposite sex.SOLUTION: Cultivate the habit of not flirting with every attractive person you see and make up your mind to be a true and loving spouse, or don't commit until you are really ready to do this.

2006-01-27T02:23:00.000-08:00

just a list of words:

empty, void, confused, sad, dejected, lost, withdrwan, distant, alone, depressed, meaningless, stupid, foolish, loserish, misunderstood, helplessness, afraid,

2006-01-25T06:54:00.000-08:00

i feel empty deep within!

tis isnt a gd feelin fer sure

2006-01-10T06:33:00.000-08:00

its been 14daes since we last toked

2 weeks hav passed so quickly

do i still owe u an explanation?

i tink i do... coz i haven tole you why you yet..

well... maebe i tot u were the kind of gal i was lookin fer

guai, yet bubbly, cheerful bla bla bla

maebe u wld tink otherwise...

but yar.. i feel tis wae...

=)

well... hope dat u wld still be happy

2005-12-30T05:15:00.000-08:00

wondering how u r feelin nw..

r u angry or upset with me?

dun be if u r...

coz i realli dun mean to make u feel tis wae...

on the other hand,

maebe u r nt...

maebe u dun feel ath at all

happier coz theres one less bugger

2005-12-28T04:13:00.000-08:00

i wan u to keep ur promise to him...

so its best fer u to ignore me ba

its nt easy ferme.. but i noe its nt easy fer u either

anw, no matter wad, thanks for accompanying me yest nite

u nv noe how much it meant to me....

no matter wad happened dat nite,

i will still rmbr...

pardon me fer not being able to sae frends foreva

coz it isnt easy

tis matter has made me realise wad i m... wad others tink of me as well

2005-12-20T04:24:00.000-08:00

Being able to spend christmas with your loved one is a blessing... so cherish it

will be thinkin of u on christmas....

wun disturb u then! haha

enjoy... =)

happy xmas to all!

2005-12-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

why cant u let me care fer u?

i noe u dun wan dat... coz u dun wan me to waste my time

but i noe wad i m doin...

i realli dun ask fer ath in return ba

i tole u b4.. if i get ath baq frm u.. den it will juz a bonus fer me ba..

change target? am i liddat?

can change my target easily... xin hua hua?

slightly disappointed.. but i noe u mean well

juz gif me the chance to do wad i wan...

sorry

hope it doesnt bother u

2005-11-16T20:52:00.000-08:00

had a farnie dream last nite...

dreamt of you... wierd

but maebe it is true... haha

so afteraell.. i still miss u... trying hard nt to...

one dae more... jiayou!=)

2005-11-15T05:18:00.000-08:00

wonder what u r tinkin of nw...

haha

like gt no one to tok to alr =p

2005-11-13T04:06:00.000-08:00

pls let phy be do-able

give me sumone to fall back on

2005-11-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

the loneliness gets unbearable at nite

2005-11-10T20:40:00.000-08:00

the weekend is here! haha

but both happy n sad

happy coz a break fer 2 daes with no exams

sad coz muz mug fer these 2 daes... cannot screw up

n coz i noe i shldnt disturb u over the weekends

yep! i will try my bez.. haha sorry

dun 4gt me!

2005-11-08T20:06:00.000-08:00

hey guess wad...

the jealous feelin is baq again!

i noe i shldnt be feelin tis waE

but i realli cant help it...

kept tinkin n tinkin n tinkin

but it wun change.. wld it?

nths gonna change

it kinda hurts...

u noe... it juz aint comfortable fer...

am not n will not be comfortable...

maebe nt... maebe it feels like disappointment

foolishness, failure, resigned?

i m juz me...

m i sundin desperate to u? haha

wonder if i will go happy

or go w/o the mood to play

2005-11-05T21:30:00.000-08:00

my happiness wad nth but a lie... fake, empty, percieved

too naive to tink thatit could be real from the start

tot abt it fer the whole nite...

well.. i mean nth to u

not fit to continue disturbing u

u haf found ur happiness...

wheres mine?

jealous... vvv jealous..

seems so unfair

but i noe i onli gt myself to blame... =)

2005-11-05T07:25:00.000-08:00

asked u coz i wanted to noe which dae i shld disturb u...

now i noe...

i wun be ard to disturb u at all

haha

u noe wad.. wanted to call u on dat nite... but now

4gt it

one dae i m happy

the nxt dae i m sad...

wtf?

2005-10-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

"Love is like lemon, for those who do not understand it find it sour.

Those who has true love are able experience the sweet taste of it despite it

being sour initially"

how true?

2005-10-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

u said dat smth was missin in my life...

u r right

but u noe wad..?

it happens to be u... haha

ok.. maebe nt u...

dunnoe wad kind of state i m in now

muz also learn not to make my problem other people's problem

m learnin nw...

well... 18 daes left?

and a four moths break before ns

08/04/2006 is the dae, bmtc sch2

still tinkin of u

2005-10-20T01:58:00.000-07:00

feels as if we r total stranger nw..

haha... wad a weird feelin...

r u feelin happier nw w/o me buggin u? shld be i hope..

but u noe wad...

tis feelin sux fer me

u n noe how it feels

2005-10-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

whee... tink i reaalli ade 2 wrong decisions...

totally regret it

haha.. sux

how to cont muggin fer 2 more weeks? dunnoe how to do it

shant complain animore..

tis is my stupid life

2005-10-18T03:31:00.000-07:00

finally mustered enuff courage to read ur msg..

realli wonder when n how i can love myself again

=)

2005-10-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

hey.. how r u feeling todae?

hai hao ma?

=)

jiayous k?

2005-10-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

feelin very confused, very frustrated recentli...

together with a tinge of sadness and dispair

feel dat i m realli a failure in life

one by one.. my frends will leave me...

slowly.. painfully

y??

no one out there will listen to me animore...

absolutely no one

i realli realli need sumone who can understand me..

plz?

i cannot take it animore

i m gonna break dwn soon

2005-10-14T04:35:00.000-07:00

i hate myself...

i realli realli hate myself

wad the fuck m i worth

fuck all

i cannot tink animore

so glad sch has ended...

wish u knew

2005-10-02T00:53:00.000-07:00

went out to shop fer the first tyme on my own i tink...

went to arts frend at bras brasah

tot wld haf a lot of choices... but in the end found out i had no idea abt wad to make...

also constrained by budget...

in the end decided to make cards instead...

found cute little black boards... qt cool..

can still onto the card...

went to mac n eat... to my surprise it wasnt realli crowded...

juz qt a few ppl mugging there...

den gt tis kid bully me..

he took his mac balloon n hit me on the head.. haha

so farnie.. seem like i m the onli one to be eatin alone in the mac

went nlb too.. humungous (spelled correctly?)

realli can gt lost.. haha... like a shoppin mall

but still cant find the computing bk my bro wanted...

lastly, went to merlion park via esplanade...

the link to esplanade (not citylink) from citylink was interestin

all the artworks was qt cool

even to it was rainin b4 dat, it was rather hot outside.. but i still walked to merlion park..

i realised dat merlion actually had a thin body... juz dat it looked wide frm the side

yepp...

did things on my own todae

felt a lil farnie.. but i m satisfied =)

i can do wad i wan whenever i wan

maebe it wasnt so bad afterall...

but i still wish sumdae,

sumone or smh can do these things w me

2005-10-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

wow... ended my own 'source' of happiness

maebe nt happiness... juz makes me happier den b4

i m too stupid alr...

"you can dun like me, but u cant stop me frm liking u"

so confusin...

wad shld i do?

cont? stop?

=(

still gt todae to decide maebe...

helppp!!!!

goin out alone...

2005-09-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

nobody understands me

wad i m tinking

wad i wanna do

how i feel

nobobdy tinks wad i m tinkin

wants to do wad i wanna do

feels how i m feelin

i wan be visit merlion park again

2005-08-12T05:49:00.000-07:00

its hurts..

it juz hurts real bad...

wish u knew sumhow...

but itmakes no difference...

shall bear with it? haha

2005-07-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

i m smart.. too fuckin smart fer my own good

wad a fucked up day

wad a fucked up world

wish there was a refresh button in life... dat i can refresh and restart my whole life

stop being so naive, will u?

u can dream 4eva, 4 its juz a dream that will nv come true

dream? dun even if dats a dream...

shld be called a fantasy maebe...

or juz an image...

loser speakin here...

and theres nth anione can do abt it

dunno wads wrong w me...

wish we nv met...

rite?

seriously confused abt this lousy world...

wads my status, my significance, my use?

realli cant find ani.. realli...

oh.. i noe.. juz here to waste space rite?

yar.. i tink so...

pissed... or am i upset? i dunnoe...

sumone tok to me plz...

why muz my face tell other ppl dat i m happy, while deep down i m awaes nt?

can i show it sumway sumday?

oh.. coz its wrong?

...

2005-05-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

afraid to be alone

realli am...

2005-05-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

confused.

want to be close w u...

yet i dont wanna be..

tis kinda feelin sux

m i the one dat u dun trust?

beginning to doubt myself

2005-05-19T03:21:00.000-07:00

lost... lost all over again

lost from the beginning

tis feelin sux...

asked myself wads my purpose n motivation in life

juz cant find an ans still

m i lifeless?

onli muggin?

all alone

leave me alone

todae was hard to get by... very hard

wonder how i survived todae

will i survive tml?

when will i not...

is the end drawing near?

yours stupidly,

me

2005-05-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

i have great foresight dun i...?

knew tis wld happen..

knew wad i shld do...

but y din i do it?

i ask myself

wad is my purpose in life

wad is my motivation

i cant find them anywhere near me.. no where near...

me, myself being a fool again...

coz of myself...

reciprocriation dun happen get it?

i m hopeless arent i?

y m i alwaes liddat????

y...

give me an ans...

2005-04-12T05:07:00.000-07:00

long tyme no blog.. haha

won first gold in track n field meet so far...

but m i realli dat jubilant? =)

dunno wad to sae..

but life goes on i guess..

let me be me

2005-02-01T01:28:00.000-08:00

nw i noe my worth to u.. wad shld i do?

nth but a shadow dat sticks wth u but useless...

maebe occasionally following u when u r alone

but ultimately u dun wish the shadow to be there at times

most of the times...

nono. all of the time

thk u fer all the jjoy u brought to me

thk u for all the pain i had..

coz maebe it made me grew stronger..

yet weaker...

feb 14 is the last dae...

last dae dat gd memories shall last till

coz it wun be the same after dat agin...

maebe impossible..

smth little i can do.. maebe to touch ur heart...

if it doesnt...

den i realli noe hw much i m worth... =)

kept telling myself to be happy if u r..

yet i noe i m still sad at times when i see dat u r happy

but i still keep it to myself,

coz u being happi means alot to me..

hah... maebe attention given to u by others...

attention frm me nt needed.

pls maebe realise i m still there one of these daes...?

coz i still exist

i m me

n rmbr i will still b here fer u...

if..

one dae u still need me...

pls rmbr..

2005-01-20T03:53:00.000-08:00

my dad gt hospitalised n i din noe until nw.. what the fuck!

lousy dae... lousy lousy dae...

handed up the shirt design but gt scolded instead..

hes saes a is for activities, not adventure.. not to be decided by us...

so tks to those who wanted to keep the word avdenture

gt 16 of us but onli handed in one design...

nt interested in the shirt, he wun gif us the shirt...

fine.. dun gif it to me.. but gif it to them

no overseas trip.. wans a meetin on mondae at 5pm

saes he shld haf flared up dat dae when we let ppl go earli dat dae... n i m one of them...

tks...

saes dunnoe if puttin me as sea cheif is a mistake or a blessing...

its a mistake.. take me out...

m i fit to be sea chief?

n0

no

no

i wanted to sae tis fer a long long long long tyme...

if i were to choose, studies would be my number one priority...

i dun even noe if odac is my second.. or issit gettin my own life baq...

theres too much to do... too much fer me at least...

i m goin crazy..

sorry ppl.. fer all the tings i'e done n said... but i m realli breakin dwn..

if smth realli happens to my dad.. dat wld be the last straw on the camel's back...

i cannot take it animore...

i realli cannot...

tks...

2005-01-17T04:39:00.000-08:00

ran 4.8km todae... juz wanted to run

wanted to escape...

from everytink... i was wrong again

i m too naive to tink dat wae

din do wk at all..

never felt so happy running.. realli...

stress...

so many tings to do...

sea ex, camp, pioneerin n abseil, econs, gp essay....

maebe shldnt haf taken part..

gt all my priorities mixed up.. din do work for last 3 daes... nt even the wkend

laggin in all subjs... realli...

need to catch up... no more proposals fer nxt 3 daes fer me.. onli wk

stress.. wanna run

escape

isolate

i like the me todae... so quiet n juz keepin to myself...

solemn... tt was wad i use to be..

i wan baq my happy life

2005-01-15T06:32:00.000-08:00

gazed at the stars tonite...

cant even rmbr when was the last tyme i did it...

never realised tt they were so beautiful..

smiley face, orion belt...

but halfwae thru, juz felt smth was missing...

the feelin cums back again n again...

fireworks, stars, beach...

y wasnt it -you-...

haha.. wheres my shooting star...

dreamt a few daes ago smth realli bad wld happen todae...

issit gonna happen nw... it looks as if it MAY happen..

not to -you- not like wad i haf dreamt completely..

please lemme see my very own shooting star again -u-

2005-01-13T03:42:00.000-08:00

please stay happy

tts all i ask

tts all i wan

let me feel better, seein u happy

lifes full of ups n dwn... but still try n awaes stay up...

please stay happy...

if nt i will realli feel worse

at least lemme see tt u r

2005-01-09T02:00:00.000-08:00

tks fer the blog layout!

noe i wuldnt change it fer a long long tyme to cum...

coz i m busi... n of coz.. lazy... =p haha

n i wun change it fer sumtyme aso! muahaha

saw keng phang n weiyan at montfort todae...

din see dem fer a while... ended up toin with dem after the ceremony in the canteen

discovered gt 2 proposals nt yet realli finished... hope can finsh soon

need more time... need more tyme fer sch wk besides cca

tml gt chem test... n i m scared actualli...

afraid i dunno ath nw...

life is so busi nw...

2004-12-29T21:11:00.000-08:00

wanna get lost tml..

where no one noes who i m

where i noe no one..

i wanna be alone

2004-12-29T05:43:00.000-08:00

pain.. do u understan?

2004-12-29T03:23:00.000-08:00

why m i so damn stupid.. its pretty obvious rite? ha..

myself to blame

wad can i do?

feel so sad...

dunnoe if sad is the rite word to use...

cant tink

cant breathe

4gt it.. i m useless

go awae

no one understands

no one feels the same

ignore me

2004-12-28T03:17:00.000-08:00

jealousy is still feeling up my mind...

those words...

those feelings...

but nvm..

i m so SO SO used to it.. =)

like a melting snowflake among the falling snow

a grain of sand in the beach

a drop of water in the oceans combined

what m i? what m i?

useless

insignificant

not worth mentioning...

would one dae tis wld all change?

wld it eva?

wld it matter..

the world dun revolve ard me..

so i revolve ard it..

life? ha

2004-12-15T21:41:00.000-08:00

hey...

SL's finally over... 3 daes of hardwork... plenty of planning.. =p

finally gt myself to write again.. haha

well... quite fufillin fer me for these 3 daes...

played the role of sai kang warrior... station ic n grp ic...

sai kang warrior... nt easy to be.. backstage man... cleaned up like siao after the flag painting on first dae

tink scrub the floor until hands wan to become smooth liaox.. haha.. other den dat quite slack ba..

station ic.. tink most slack fer me.. haha..

juz needed to record the points stuff and ensure tt the kids follow the safety rules...

sum kids v zai.. can climb v well.. w/o ani support frm spotters at all.. totally impressed

grp ic... the most tiring! haha.. esp when u haf a hyperactive kid... tink i chased him almost the whole dae...

needed to get the grp goin at times.. which i tink was v hard fer me.. shi bai! haha

but nvm.. nt tood bad lar.. considerin they all so young..

the kids! haha.. sum are realli adorable.. while some are little menaces...

the one i will NOT forget.. is guoqiang.. a.k.a. ah beng...

hyperactive kid.. ran across the road twice, hit my face wth slipper, jump into the pond.. all in dae 1

suspended fer dae 2...

dae 3.. was surprised dat he went to sentosa wth us..

at fort siloso.. chased him frm room to room...

even took penknife to threaten the teacher.. in the end subdued by me nel n shaun.

big buaya aso... haha...

nw sl is over... doubt i haf the mood to do ani hmwk.. goin msia again on 21st.. fer a wk.. where gt tyme to do ath?

whole holies super busi.. shldnt be called holies...

should b called intensive outside curriculum activites break... =p

tc!

2004-12-11T04:48:00.000-08:00

hey...

juz wanna be alone nw...

mistaken to even take the first step..

neh felt like tis fer sumtyme...

haha..

shant sae too much..

i will be strong...

coz i promised myself..

n i will keep the promise...

i will...

2004-12-04T07:32:00.000-08:00

u noe who u r le.. do i stand a chance at all? tell me the truth ba

2004-11-20T03:30:00.000-08:00

harlo...
haha.. long tyme no write gt miss me? haha.. yar.. din write partly coz tis blog is too sad.. n aso i m lazy.. haha.. k.. MOSTLY be cause i m too lazy.. =p
tml goin to perak fer expedition! 21-27... nt much tyme fer rest... came back frm chalet 2 daes ago onli.. so dun miss me.. haha n more imprtly.. DUN FLOOD MY MAIL BOX! haha...
chalet was quite fun tho! haha but lost money lar.. sianx... too mani tings to tok abt chalet ler.. haha but nvm.. me can rmbr can liaox.. haha
nmy bag pack is so heavy.. abt 20kg... carry up the bus already sianx.. n muz trek fer 4 daes.. haha.. but shld b fun i hope...
haha.. i dunnoe m i numb or nt.. abt feelings... feel so.. dunnoe how to sae.. haha.. no one wldlike me yar..? haha... leavin it alone.. juz treating it like a block of wood =p yar.. haha
k.. gtg? haha.. nth much to write todae... but writing coz sm1 ask me to.. haha.. tata~

2004-10-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

hmm.. will u still be my dear after todae or nt...? i realli dunno... =(

2004-10-07T03:34:00.000-07:00

i love wan shin~!

2004-09-15T01:55:00.000-07:00

hey~

everyone is happi... when will i b happi again?

todae is a suay dae ba.. kept seein dem todae

actualli wished they wld sit rite infront of dem.. dunnoe y

awiz hurt.. but does she noes?

2004-09-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

yoz~!

been too lazy to blog lately.. haha

todae is the first 5 dae wk implementation.. ironicalli, timetable has been shortened

first tyme gt released so earli.. 2.55pm.. haha... but reach hm 4.30 den sleep le...

todae mr tham did an analysis of how much tyme we haf to study... smth like mr aris's

yar.. all of us noe tyme is short.. but tutorials machiam cannot finish liddat

esp econs! still gt quite a lot to do.. n where gt much tyme to study...

sumore i dunnoe y but i dun like to study wad did already.. wahaha.. all i wanna do is to chiong tutorial..

target fer promos is 4 c's, ifcan gt den v gd liaox.. haha.. coz i tink shld be quite zai...

todae is boring lar.. nth much happen.. juz did phy n redid gp summary.. maebe do maths later on.. haha

my hse is actualli ver veri uncondusive fer studying..

try imagining goin hm... u start havin to look after two babies...

n when u try n do hmwk.. hey start cryin n makin loads of noise... screw...

n when i gt tired of lukin after dem, my mum sae until like i neber help...

try goin ard askin lar.. how mani ppl of my age haf to help luk after 2 babies liddat?

even if i wanna go joggin.. she wld sae a lot of things.. wan me stay at hm to luk after thm..

neber see tt she go n ask my bro to luk after dem.. prelims so wad?

last yr aint i the one doin everytink?

sigh...

wad can i do?

2004-09-06T01:52:00.000-07:00

hey ppl~
feelin lousy n useless again.. as usual.. haha coz i read LIME.

gt tis article abt boldest thing u eva did... b tis guy said goin to rooftop of esplanade..

reminded me of wad i read in another guys blog... suat n him goin there.. so close together...

tho it might been smtyme ago liaox. i juz cant help tinkin of it lar..

guess i hurt her wth my msn nick last tyme.. but does she noe i feel?

wish i can invent the thought machine

all ur toughts recorded down wthout u hafing to speak a word or move ur hand

and haf all these delivered str8 to ur mind.. so u wld understand how i feel

maebe i haf improved.. nt tellin u how i feel most of the tymes..

but dat dae was realli too hurtin.. but i noe i shldnt haf used dat word... i m sorry...

sumtymes i wish dat i cld cry.. but my eyes wun let me

the smiling mask i put on everydae is stickin to my face.. cant take it off

other ppl ard me r all so fortunate.. who wld care how i feel?

understand how i feel?

feel wad i feel?

they are all happi... = )

if i were to die the next dae.... i wanna sae sorry nw...

sorry fer makin tis world a more irritatin n sad place to live in...

sometymes i feel i made oo mani wrong turns in life already...

can i be reborn wthout ani mistakes?

when will i be eva happi again?

question marks are ringing...

i m sorry suat.. but i hafta sae tis.. i still like u...

promised to let u go but i cant.. i m sho useless.. haha.. saein tis coz i dunnoe will i eva haf a chance to sae tis..

guess u wun see tis aniwae..

if there eva is god, angel, devil wadeva~

all i ask for is for everyone else to be happi...

gif them the chance to stay happi.. maebe i will feel betta

"where's the healin?"

2004-08-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

BITCH!! u made me feel like a big idiot todae... walked in n out of sch 3 tymes after odac... juz to avoid UUU realli feel like walkin str8 up to u n ask u do u noe how i feel...? i hate U i hate HIM i hate ODAC i hate EVERYONE screw the world! maebe one dae i shld bring a knife slash his throat stab his chest stab his stomach n stab him str8 in the head! tis world sux... dun eva gif me tis chance... coz i dun care how u feel nw... yar.. so wad if u r hurt? i m sick n tired of hurting myself animore... CURSE U ALL all of u can dao me fer all i care

2004-08-12T02:58:00.000-07:00

Yoz~

its tyme to write here again.. summarize events dat happedn few daes ago ba...

haha.. first.. mondae.. ndae itself, went to watch fire wks outside national stadium wth klass... realised our klass quite united nw... maebe coz of aj race? haha

fire wks was COOL... it was totally enchanting.. i neber realised firewks was so enchanting until dat dae... lieing dwn on the grass n looking to a display above...

seems to be like fairytale actualli.. one by one exploding above u... yea... fell in luv wth firewks fer nw i guess! haha

den the nxt morning... went to sentosa wth klass... 2nd tyme.. last tyme was on sat wth odac..

haha.. it was fun... but nt as fun as odacs one maebe... coz odac did more tings.. haha

swam to the pontun n played vball lar... so wad man.. lost to the china ppl in vball by 1pt... could haf won tho.. haha

but it was gd effort lar... we encouraged each other on...

but the bad ting is.. i m badli burnt!!

double dose of sun in the last few daes made me chao ta... skin peelin nw... juz like KFC's extra crispy recipe.. haha

painful too... n ppl still keep on wackin my back lar.. the pain is like... slow pain.. haha hope recover faster..

coz peelin is painful n ugli!! luks as if i haf sum disease.. haha so tanned nw too.. haha

haix... but in the end.. still cant stop tinkin abt her.. haha

suddenli she liked changed again... yar.. so far again suddenli...

she wasnt free on mondae... juz tot of her when the firewks started... wish she was wth me..

den heard frm her sis dat she stayed overnite outside dat nite... haha.. miss her lor..

den when sch restarted again... she like dint realli bother to tok to me or anitink animore.. haha

cldnt take it and finalli toked to teresa abt it... besides dat i aso suddenli felt dat i m outta place in odac.. such a farnie feelin sumtymes... i tink maebe i can go n b a loner ba.. haha

yea... todae was like... even worse? haha

tink she n him skipped maths lecture todae.. dint see him wth her vice versa n cldnt find her...

dint bother to ask her.. haha

den durin the clao break.. she went to reading rm.. i was there.. he was there too...

jian guang they all said she was there.. but i dint bother to turn baq..

they sae she was alone... but i noe its nt fer long.. i was rite... haha

its a farnie feelin... felt so outta place again.. dint haf a single glance at them.. nt even when the bell rang.. juz sat until sum tyme later...

she wld neber understand wad i feel... how m i suppose to 4gt her... dun even noe wads shes tinking abt...

teresa is rite lar.. dun care if she cares or nt.. if she cares.. den treat it as a bonus.. i tried b4.. but i failed... i realli wish fer a solution...

i aso tot to myself.. give me a chance n i will break his blardie legs... yar.. i swear.. but wad will happen if i do dat one dae...

she will juz hate me even more? haha i dunnoe... hope dat the chance neber cums maebe?

wad to do wad to do? haha... hope dat things will change ba... when i sae i miss her.. i realli do...

all i m doin nw is to try n understand wad shes tinkin n wad is happenin to her in her life.. an observer...

wonder when she will eva share wth me.. tho i tried to share wth her...

muz i realli be like the rest of the guys n be so playful infront of her...? haha

dunnoe y but juz v quiet infront of her.. so different when i m wth my frends or klass...

whee... if u see tis.. can u tell me? haha

2004-08-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

boo~!

haha... here to write again... tis wan gonna be dedicated to NATALIE~! haha touched or nt...?

hmm.. actualli tis is e second entry dedicated to her le lar... first was was my old acc in freeopendiary.. yea...

haha.. k.. lemme tink... oh... cant exactly rmbr which date i noe her.. but known her on irc lar... aha... ppl usualli intro first de rite? but she ask me chem qns first.. haha

yar... den gt to tok to her fer sumtyme online... den finally met! haha.. it was on a saturdae.. tink was 31st may lar.. cant rmbr liaox.. haha.. but we watched bruce almighty.. bet ya forgetten le rite? haha

den becoz of sumtinks... i tot we cld neva be frends again... dat was super sad lehx.. haha... made me so sad fer months worx.. haha... but sumhw we became frends again! quite gd frends rite? haha

tho neber go out wth her a lot of tymes.... n onli took neoprints twice wth her lar.. haha.. yea... sad ting is she leavin fer uk soon... 25th aug tis yr..one dae after her bdae.. sad rite?

realised tis yest nite... after seein her at sentosa in the aftern.. haha...
haix... tink i will miss her lar.. haha... tho we known each other fer onli abt a yr plus...? =)

yea.. shes a nice gal... swt gal too... looks wise... change liao le... becum more chio lar.. haha... (happie or nt?) yea... can tok to her abt alot of tings... when i cldnt speak to others abt it...

so... u muz rmbr me such a frend ok...? coz i noe i will rmbr u... haha... aiyah.. nt touchin enuff to make u cry rite..? haha...

so take gd care when u r nt in sg liaox... n dun 4gt me.. bez of luck nat~! ; )

2004-07-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

i miss suat dearly.. =(

tho i see her everydae

tis obession is baq... i gotta try n stop it

hope dat u noe how i feel

coz its makin me feel v bad inside...

haix.. how? maebe its the illusion i haf ba.. nt seein u all together

everytime i see u close wth other guys... i kept askin myself

y cant i be as close to u as dem..?

i m like... so quiet n stuff infront of u...

when i c u.. its onli a simple smile or hi...

but trying to be less quiet... tok more to u nw...

issit correct?

u wun wan me to be close to u ba.. coz u asked me to let u go the last tyme round...

sorry.. if u eva read tis... v sorry arhx...

hope u do understand hw i feel =)

n rmbr to tok to e.. haha

2004-07-18T04:36:00.000-07:00

hey hey~

haha.. tings happen n tings becum the past v quickli..

can sae quite a few tings happenned over the weeks.. n i tot of smth i shld sae..

dats y i cum here.. haha

haf u eva tot of the decisions u haf made b4..?

like why i dint i do me hmwk. nw hafta rush?

usualli one wld wish dat he or she can turn back tyme n make a totalli different decision

to the benefit of the individual of coz...

yea.. alot of tymes it dawned upon me the decisions i made...

sum rite sum wrong.. even sum which i dunnoe where to categorise

yea... wad if i neber made the choice of usin irc? i wld had neber known her

wad if i had nt cum to aj? i wld had neber deepened me feelins

wad if i had neber join odac? i wld nt be suaned n life wld be easier fer her

wad if i had neber tole her i liked her? i wld nt fear rejection

wad if i had neber care fer her? all my unwanted concerns wld nt be wasted

the common mentality wld seem to the most logical decision to be made.. coz one wld benefit frm it..

however, i aso realised dat if decisions were changed,.. life wld be different.

all the gd tings dat eva happened wld be no more...

i wun noe wad type of life i wld be leaing nw.. be it better or worse

if i had neber came to aj.. i wldnt had known all my gd frends nw...

if i neber joined odac... my life wld be borin n lifeness nw.. nt to mention my cca mates

if i neber tole her i like her.. she might neber had known how i feel n i wil regret fer life

if i neber cared fer her... my heart wld ache when i juz see her hurt

haix.. i cannot take it animore..

i still like her.. but i realli do hope one dae i cant tell u definately i dun like her

everytink she does will juz haf an impact on me...

no matter how insignificant or small..

i noe its hard, impossibl,to change her feelins le... but i m stil trying? =(

haix.. i juz wanna let her noe dat i care.. n i care alot...

wun be reprociated? of coz i will be sad.. but i wld rather be sad den act as if nth happens

dats y i tin being hurt is sorta gd too ba

i noe i kpkb to sum grps of ppl in my life...

i muz thk u all.. coz wthout u all.. my life wld had been harder..

but i m determined nt to bother u all animore.. so i will try

coz i noe u all will gt sick of thee.. sorry ppl...

*cries*

2004-07-02T03:05:00.000-07:00

Yoz~

long long long tyme neber write here le...

tot tis blog was gonna be dead... but it has rose to live again

fer a wrong reason ba... haha.. definition of blog seems to be sad fer me

a place fer me to tok to myself when i m sad.. haha.. n tis is y i m baq here again

after she said those tings... n feelin sad fer realli quite sum tyme...

i was strugglin wth my feelings... i suddenli felt i mae feel smth fer HS.. maebe nt

but i noe dat i still haf feelings fer -her- definateli... was realli confused...

i still felt bad seein -her-, n i tried a lot of ways to avoid her in sch...

tried my bez nt to luk at her but sumtymes i cant...

had seen -her- n -him- in sch together n it wasnt realli a pleasent sight.. but wad can i do?

Elin n HS r the 2 ppl i tok most to abt tis.. n they are the onli ppl who realli noe wads goin on...

until one dae.. elin tole me i still like -her-, i realised she was correct...

suddenli i realised... after i struggled hard to 4gt her... it didnt turn out the wae i wan it to be...

sorry HS~ hope u noe who u r.. u kept askin me y i keep apologisin.. now u noe why le ba..

i dunnoe if i consider u to be a substitue... but i still feel ver bad...

i tot i was gonna lose tis frend like u... but i was glad onli a lil has changed over tyme...

recentli after the holies neber seeing -her-, i saw her again when sch reopened.. n the first sight was v sad fer me...

saw -him- n -her-... tink affected my mood fer GP ba... but feelings seein her subsequentli has changed

tho my heart still beats faster when i c -her-... i feeli pain as well... veri painful

it feels like the tyme -she- saes 'i already haf sumone in mind long tyme ago'

it feels like the heart being jabbed

its pain...

when i hear ppl tokin abt -her- n esp -her- n -him-, it f-ing hurts... dun haf the guts to tell -her-.

coz she asked me to let her go... quite depressed dat i wrote the wrong tinks when i heard sum1 saein smth abt -her- n -him-...

who will eva noe how i feel? i wan to be contended to stay tis wae..

n hope dat the pain wld go awae soon...

ppl kept tellin me let nature take its course....

but tis nature seems to b takin a detour... its takin too long...

lookin baq at it.. my life is so sucky and a mess... i realli gt no aim in aim

i dun haf an ambition.. i dun haf a motivation...

i juz live thru life aimlessli.. goin sch is like a routine...

eatin juz is fer me to kepp the routine goin.. where is my aim?

sorry...

sorry fer makin my life seems so pathetic... fer those who tink dat my life isnt

sorry... sorry...

i wish sumtymes sum person can hear the voice in my mind... life sux!

save me frm my pain.... i m afraid i mae break down one of these daes soon...

sorry sorry sorry sorry... esp to HS.. =(

i m such a bugger..!

2004-05-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

hey hey~

sumtyme neber write liao.. juz on off on off.. haha.. no commitment.. so sorry to the ppl who stil try n see if there were updates! yea..

tyme to tell u ppl the truth.. she rej me lar..haha.. but gt more tinks den dat.. wasnt a gd wkend n gd wk lor... yea,,,

todae in readin rm i saw her walk in.. still din realli dare to see her.. juz lied on the table n pretend to sleep...

smsed her stupid tinks todae too =( i v shi bai lar... but the bottom line is.. i still haf feelin fer her.. yea.. nt gonna sae anitink abt her animore lor... 4give me suat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yea.. gt pe n recre soccer todae.. v tired.. performance wasnt v gd lor.. =p... sad arhx! everydae juz feel dwn... when can i eva gt over her?

2004-04-25T05:06:00.000-07:00

hey....

found out one gd tink abt blogger todae.. no need to view the past entries... so no need to be so sad.. haha

dun care wad ppl sae.... but tis is gonna mainli be abt suat ba... yep.. sorry ppl

writing wth a half asleep mind.. but i noe i wanna write tis...

todae is the first dae of kayaking... everytink went quite well ba...

but as expected... every lil tink i do or sae... will awaiz b linked to her...

yea... actualli u ppl tink dat u r trying to help.. but i tink its more of the other wae ard...

u no dat everytime there is an odac activity.. i wld juz feel guilty?...

fer none of her business but she is still linked... sumtimes i realli sense dat she realli doesnt wan to be linked wth me dat wae...

face it... she doesnt like me.. face it face it face it... i realli dunno how to go abt doin tis nw...

yy ased me a v gd qns dat dae... wad if she said yes..? wad if she said no..? wad was i suppose to do?

can i forgt her so easily"? i still dun haf an ans...

she seems quite distant frm me nw... i realli dunno how shes feels... i tink i m buggin her...

n i m tellin myself nt to bug her animore... quite successful ba.. rite?

i noe i realli like her.. been 5 mths liaox.. n the feelin hasnt changed much at all..

dun tell me it wld be another one yr...? like G? =x

i dunnoe lor.. suat.. if u see tis.. gif me an ans ba.. i m realli lost n confused...

2004-04-23T03:27:00.000-07:00

yoz yoz..

writing again! todae is NOT a GOOD dae... yea.. horrible mood swing horriblr horrible..

dint realli begin ifirst ting in the morning... first 2 periods were pe... suddenli pe seem so tough,,,

either i too long neber train liaox... or coz over exerted myself on wed.. or it is juz super tough!

yea.. v shag after dat.. n dat was WHEN it started...

saw smth.. yea... dun wan mention it even here... den started liaox...

dint tok much todae... everytink dint seem farnie... esp durin civics...

they were showin sum neighbour video.. everybody was luffin... everytink dint seem farnie...

when they luff.. sumhow my mind will sae nt farnie... yea... den yy they all started askin me y so sad... but i dint sae... onli elin noes! haha

but i tink became a lil less moody after lunch ba... maebe coz i gt to eat!

yea.. cum to tink of it... y i gt moody was so damn stupid.. but i cant help myself... arghz...

but its ok to be moody once a while rite? hahax... 2nd tyme in aj onli.... 1st was in first intake..

yea.. quite ashamed of myself.. make me feel dat i dun deserve her evn more...

how? haha.. remainin optimistic... yep... try n stick nt so close ba..! jia you!

2004-04-19T03:48:00.000-07:00

YoZ~

wooo... todae is mondae.. hahax... sianx dae aso...

well.. nth much happened in sch todae actualli... juz dat i survived wthout doin work over the wkend..~!

mornin.. returned poncho to odac todae.. neber kena rej again~ so zai rite? wahahaha

den discovered suat sick.. nt in sch todae... wing sing tole me..

onli managed to send out sms to her in the 2nd period... she replied...

yea... actualli gt abit of cough n phlgem.. haha.. choked on it while singing todae.. =x

pw was super borin... 1/1/2hr of discussion... make me feel so hypocriptical... =p muz act in front of ST

yea... ended sch earli todae... or shld i sae my earliest.. 315

no one pei me walk to mrt except rebecca! hahax... den reached hm lor...

den bathe liaox 4gt to take out contacts after bathin... hahax.. blur manx... n discovered dat skin on my shoulder quite scrapped off...
yea

den went ard lukin fer e cards fer suat.. cldnt find v nice one so sent her one i found lor... did gp after dat...

finished den suddenli gt an idea... went to microsoft paint n drew her a card myself.. seems nt bad to me.. hahax...

at first tot she wldnt cum online.. or wun c her.. but she came online! haha.. so glad.. yea...

shall stop here... tataz~!
oh yar.. SUAT GET WELL SOON!!!

2004-04-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

yozziE~

todae is probably gonna be one dae i neber will 4gt.. hahahahaha

todae is all abt odac ba... went macritchie fer navigation... neber done such a real one b4...

used compass n maps to do it.... quite fun actualli~! even though gt quite lost sumtymes.. haha

gt caught by lim durin navigation todae.. wore my pants too low...

he said "jason.. i can see the curvature of ur butt already...' haha.. so paiseh...

actualli gt more paiseh tings later lor... thru out the whole track... yuting n the rest.. even the j1s kept teasin me...

saeing i like suat.. all kinds of stuff... wahahhaa.... gt teassed until feel a bit numb man...

after dat went to eat together.. she went to... den on the bus... wing sing show me a msg sae she ask me go up...

obviouslli fake de lor.. tink i dumb mehx..? haha.. but in the end they all went up.. so i had to go up too

yea... den reach liaox even worse.. they force me to walk nxt to her.. n sit nxt to her.. by force! press my should blue black... haix haix

sit dwn liaox den the gals went to buy food... sent a sms to her.. saeing sorry lor... let her be teased...

when she came baq n ask y sorry.... dunno y but suddenli feel so guilty... haha

actualli can feel tears in my eyes lar... i v farnie hor.. haha...

yea.. maebe i noe the fact dat she dun like me ba... but i gt no guts to tell the ppl ard me...

went to order aj ice after dat lar... den when the ice came.. wing sing took awae one spoon.. n forced me n her to share one bowl n 1 spoon

tried nt to eat lar... haha... until realli gt forced again... wing sing proposed a deal to her....

make her feed me eat aj ice den they will stop teasin fer a dae... she sorta agreed lar... den wanted to feed me

den they wanted to take photos.... whipped out 3 hps~! as if neber see ppl eat b4 liddat.. haha

in the end she fed me lar... den still muz pause n take pic.. n they made me feed her too... but werent quick enuff to take pic of dat.. hahax...

after dat we left lor... walked to the mrt bus stop.. she stopped at the bus stop opp the mrt... actualli tot if she walked to the mrt dat stop.. den ask her can see her hm ornot.. coz can take 88.. but nvm,,

in the end me, hendric n shing huay waited fer bus lor... came 1 74 n 165.. but all single deck.. den came another single deck 165.. in the end we decided to take lor... reached hm finalli.. haha,,,

so i m here.. n i m gone! *whoosh*

2004-04-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

weehhheehhee... i m crazy nw...

hahahahaha dint cum here fer so damnnnnnn long le...

last few entries quite saddenein ba.. dats y..

yea... todae sch was BORING... almost fell asleep in class todae

after dat gt odac meetin... dun haf much results in the end.. but we went to buy motivational food

suat dint go.. went off after making a fone call ba... seriouslli felt jealousy..

haha... after such a long tyme... yea... n stupid wing sing kept goin on n on thru out the journey

they ran to catch a traffic light.. i cldnt coz my pants were too loose... had to catch up wth dem later

yea.. bought energy bars n kit kat... den went to eat aj ice... auntie was nt happie coz spencers class ppl
went to buy frm other stall n ended up asking more choc syrup frm another stall.. stupid buggers~!

oh yar.. den suat called baq...she sae she was sleepin.. lan zhu! haha... haben tell her yet...

they wanted a second mrt to tbowl but i gtg... so i left.. walked to amk top up ezlink.

bus was quite crowded but still managed to get hm..

4gt to buy lunch fer tml navigation... so muz buy tml mornin frm coffeeshp ba... haha

yea.. sianx.. hope to see her online soon... endin here~!

2004-03-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

hey, was realli realli hurt yest... n still hurt todae.. did she lie to me..? she tole me she goin out wth jm on mon, her ah gong yest, n crashin todae... but guess wad i saw? saw her n annabel at cine yest... maebe she dint lie... maebe she juz went out wth her after dat.. maebe she cancelled the appointment last min... who noes? haha... i cant lie to myself... fer the first tyme i realli almost cried out in public coz of dat.. realli had to hold baq my tears twice... my frends dun understand do they? tis feelin sux... realli sux.. i m hurt once too mani... msged jm... she sae she told her dat we r hafin acommunication breakdwn.. i agree too.. but haf u eva tot how it managed to developed until liddat? haf u? haf u? haf u? jm sae gif myself a chance n gif others a chance... shld i? how mani ttymes haf i tot abt tis.. but i juz cant let go... i suck.. i m a huge failure... how did she eva becum so impt to me? jm is rite ba.. i m nt her kind... i realli dunno... pls let me tink ok? pls...

2004-02-22T23:39:00.000-08:00

hello... writting todae coz my mood sux...yea... tis mornin juz dun feel like seein suat... tried to avoid her todae.. but dint see her too much... sat after odac trip.. the jc2s sumhw found out dat i like suat... n they noe tt suat likes sumone else too... dunno y but i realli feel v bad after dat... like suddenli become v sour.. i already noe she likes sumone else liaox... but y muz i still feel so bad when i hear it again? dun wanna show my despo side to her.. but she means a lot to me.. msged hered at 4am on sundae mornin while watchin mystic river...

juz dint feel god todae... nth seems to b goin my wae... maths test onli gt 22 half outta fourty.. n mr wee still owes me 2 marks.. but nt much diff... councillor sae my ogf form nt completed.. so rej my application. After dat went to eat wth yan han n the rest... den took bus hm.. n the stupid 74 dint haf aircon. when i reacfh hm n bathe... found a beetle abt 4 cm long strugglin in my sink.. tried to drown it but it dint die... after bathin when i was turnin off the shower, skinned my index finer when my finger slipped... dont todae sux...?

dun feel like tokin to anione at all in real life... dun wanna open my mouth... i m the cause of all my pains... but i m unwilling to let go of tis pain as well

2004-02-20T02:02:00.000-08:00

helow~! sumtyme neber write here le.. one wk i gueess? haha... yea... todae nth much happened... ming hui n chuan ming crashed aj frm ny todae... tml gt odac outing n chalet.. saw suat online juz nw, but she dint tok or anitink... saw a sad smilie on her display.. guess she was angry.. den smsed teresa to ask.. yar... found out they sort of quarreled... hope she becomes happi again~! tc ok suat? u can awiz tok to me if u need sumone to tok to ba... miss ya

2004-02-08T03:13:00.000-08:00

Yoz~ todae woke up at 10am.. haha... den went to use comp a while... do suumore research on todaes gp proj... den went to do gp proj at 1245... aston sms to sae he was there earli le.. so ask me go earli.. den went to cheng san lib... n we found out dat there was no table.. n we decided to try at seng kang lib... found out gt table coz of the cafe there,... haha... in the end spend more tyme travellin den doin.. onli abt half hr.. den went cold storage dwnstairs to buy cornflakes.. to go to nats hse to make cookies... feel a blil paiseh... in the end go there arhx.. seems like nat n her mum did more den me.. hehex.. cookis name called chockky rocks... had to put hand oin to make dough into balls.. nw hand still smell a lil...haha.. was nt too bad.. the end result... tasted quite good... but the base a lil burnt coz of the butter... yea.. hong zhou went to make two super large cookies.. which looked a lil disgustin.. hehex.. they shld eat it himself den yan han n hong zhou went to play the keyboard... n den went to amk central to play pool,... improved so much!!.. haha onli lost to hong zhou n yan han by one ball... dint bring hm the cookies.. yan han brought hm.. coz i noe my mum sure ask a lot of qns if i bring hm.. oh yar.. muz remind him to return containers tml.. nat n her frend crashin aj tml.. muz go meet her at the gate at 830... my break... seems like nat still haben realli gotten over him yet.. haha.. hope she does soon... jiayou~! =)

2004-02-07T18:30:00.000-08:00

HeyS~ start a new blog again... actualli first one in blogger.. haha... todae is a veri SIANX dae... woke up SO earli 2 go sch to do a stupid gp multiple choice test... they gave us 1 hr but i finisehed in 20 mins.. haha.. waste my tyme lor.. den after dat, abt 9 am, went to field to watch sum interschool soccer... srjc drew wth yjc 2-2.. aj thrashed nyjc 6-1~!! (yay!) but actualli left the match half wae.. abt 11.10, to go n eat.. den after dat got ODAC... 1pm.. aso quite slack... did abseiling n rock climbing... but onli did each activity once each.. den sat dwn n slack.. haha... cant help but kept luking at suat... when she was climbing the rock wall.. wanted to shout jiayou~ but juz didnt dare...when she came dwn dat tyme... tot saw her like crying.. but discovered she had flu... still wondering how our frendship wld improve liddat.. neber tok to each other in real life... seldom sms.. n tokin less seldom on msn... how? haix...maebe i will tok to her abt tis the nxt tyme i see her online ba.. maebe she juz wanna keep it tis wae =).. tml baking cookies at nat hse fer suat.. neber go her hse b4.. haha.. actualli neber go to female frnds hse b4.. but b4 dat muz go do gp proj... still haben finalise where to do yet.. will go n confirm later...